you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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