I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i think i just lost a toe
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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