is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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