Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
