I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
