walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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