Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
