So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
