Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
