so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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