A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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