Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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