I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
