Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
