If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
