Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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