that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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