You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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