I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
