sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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