I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
