We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
