I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
