I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
