I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I need a burrito and a hug.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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