The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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