The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
