You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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