I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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