does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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