New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we should paint friendship bongs
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