You're so nebulous sometimes
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We got so high we made milksteak
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
