I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
