you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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