she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
