remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
