i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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