So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
this will be a night to untag.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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