before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
