Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
