i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
