You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
