note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
