DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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