remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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