last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Randomize
