I'm eating all of the evidence.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
