hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
