Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
