Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
