i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
