You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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