I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
