Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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