I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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