11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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